On Uprooting Oneself…

Most people have excellent intuition. The challenge arises when they are called upon to trust it and heed its guidance – even when it means moving to the other side of the country.

Here I was, living in Ontario, with a thriving practice as an intuitive and as a yoga instructor, when I began at the start of the year to sense that I was no longer where I belonged. It started with feeling displaced, as though the town I had been calling home since the mid-90′s no longer felt that way. People continued to be friendly and welcoming, and indeed, there was no end of work for me. I could have tried to stay in Kingston and continued doing what I was doing, but the call to move was too strong. I had no choice but to listen. I kept hearing the word “Kelowna” in my mind.

Now, this is where an intuitive has no choice but to put her money where her mouth is. I had to listen to my intuition and make the move and accept whatever changes that brought forth in me, or I would become a disingenuous person, giving advice to my clients that I was not myself willing to heed. I committed to making the move, but my ego wanted a safe, cushy period of time to prepare for the shift. However, once I had stopped deliberating and the decision was made, circumstances made it so that I had less than 30 days to do the deed.

This is not uncommon when we make a decision based on intuition. The universe gives us a test. Often, the time period to accomplish the task is sped up. It’s as though God is asking how serious we are about our decision. Will we act even though things are occurring outside of our conscious control? Will we go anyway or will we cling to the familiar and miss our opportunity? I knew I had to go, even though it meant leaving friends and family behind, and embarking on a journey to a place where I knew no one and knew nothing about where I was headed.

Packing to leave Kingston

There was no time to spare. Within 24 hours of getting clear on my decision, on August 2nd, I had arranged to stay at a condo at Big White Ski Resort and had purchased a plane ticket to fly out on September 3rd. Next came organizing movers, finding work in BC, and packing my stuff. I won’t say that the move was easy. Plenty of tears were shed for the folks I was leaving behind, and it was a scary proposition to uproot myself and go to parts unknown. But, what an adventure!

The Rockies from the plane

Kelowna from the air

I had never been further west than Manitoba, and here I was, flying over the Rockies, in awe of the magnificence of this mountain range that just seemed to go on and on…  The hours spent on the plane, watching the landscape pass by below, gave me time to wonder at the monumental decision I had made. Here I was, moving on my own away from the province where I had spent most of my life, having moved to Ontario from Quebec when I was five years old. What was I doing, moving to BC? All I knew was that I was moving where I was being called to go, and I would have to trust that, even though I knew next to nothing about Kelowna.

Touching down in my new hometown, I realized that I had been given a tremendous gift – the opportunity to live in a place of such beauty in all directions, with people who welcomed me before I even arrived.

Near the top of Big White, looking at the chalets below

During my last month in Ontario, I had sent out emails to yoga studios and other contacts provided me by friends in the know, and I felt encouraged by the responses I received. Brenda Wowk of Kelowna Hot Yoga Studio was the first to connect with me. Her warm welcome made me feel right at home, and I began teaching Yin yoga at her studio the week I arrived.

My first night in Kelowna, I drove for an hour up the dark mountainside to Big White, making hairpin turns, passing steep dropoffs, and dodging deer. In the morning, I walked to the top of the mountain and surveyed the range, marvelling at the green expanse before me. For several days, I drove up and down the mountain, exploring Kelowna and looking for a place to live, since the condo was a temporary rental before the start of ski season. My ears popped each day, during the sharp descent into the Okanagan Valley. I came to realize that the wildlife own the roads in these parts. One night on my way back up the mountain, I had to stop half a dozen time for deer crossing the road. During my forays into the city, I would drive around the ducks near city park. They are quite clear on their ownership of the road and are not the least bit fussed about traffic.

The ducks own the road.

In that same first week, I found a carriage house to rent in West Kelowna surrounded by vineyards, fields and mountains, bought a car, and began to make friends in my new community. I hiked in the mountains with Brenda, and with my yogi friend, Dawn and her three rescued dogs. I attended the Wise Women Festival in Penticton, where I became gloriously lost in the dark on the way home, finding myself at Okanagan Lake at midnight. I found a park near my home where I could sit on a bench and look across the water at Kelowna and take in the beauty of the lake and the mountains. I found myself laughing at the flocks of quail that would run along in front of me and hide in the bushes where I passed, looking much like old ladies in cocktail hats toddling off for their afternoon tea.

So, I take this adventure a day at a time, humbled and grateful to have been led here, looking to continue learning what my higher wisdom wants me to know, and recognizing that I am indeed taken care of, and that God/the Universe/All That Is reaches out to me through my mind, my heart, the mountains and the wind, and every smiling face that welcomes me, and all those in kindness who wish me well wherever I walk the earth. Namaste and blessings to you all.

What I’ve learned about love…

Something has shifted on a deep and significant level for me. This may be a result of my Yin yoga practice. It may be the effect of major shifts in my life during the past several months. It certainly is having my soulmate hold a mirror up to me and my patterns around love.

Whatever the contributing factors, I’ve come to the realization that there is only one way to love, and that is unconditionally, without reservation, and without regard to the outcome.

To some, that may sound self-sacrificing; yet it isn’t. I continue to ensure that I meet my needs, including expressing them to others if their involvement or cooperation is required, and I’m happy to move in and out of situations if they don’t feel right for me, whether that has to do with my home, job, or relationship.

However, I’ve discovered that there is incredible freedom and joy in loving someone for the opportunity of expressing that love. It moves me out of “what will you do for or to me?” It stops the question, “Will you love me or hurt me?” It shifts it to, “How can I understand you better? What can I give you?”

This shift moves us from grasping to giving, and it’s only when we have an open hand that we can receive the gifts of the universe. It also sets up a wave effect. As we freely allow Love to flow through and out of us, it rushes right back in through beautiful and unexpected channels.

This offering up of love does not restrict itself to a romantic relationship. Indeed, as conduits of Divine Love on earth, we can freely provide that energy to everyone we meet, whether they are ready to receive it or not. It’s really none of our business what others do with the Love we offer. It’s just our role to let it move through and out of us.

Often, when I’m struggling with a particular stage of my personal growth, the Universe speaks through someone that day, giving me the exact guidance or support I need. Indeed, it wants to communicate through us all, if we just get out of the way and allow it.

What’s tremendous about this realization is that it takes the emphasis off of receiving from someone in particular. How often do we become angry and bitter because we felt that someone should treat us in a particular way? When we surrender to the Universe, and accept that our needs will be met through a greater wisdom than our ego can summon, we move from blame to compassion, realizing that others may be suffering and unable to offer anything that day… but that it will come to us through the appropriate channel at the right time.

Knowing this, we can freely offer up love, opening our hearts to let it back in from wherever it’s destined to come. We can cease grasping and clinging and simply resonate with the compassionate, all-encompassing vibration that is the Universe. All that truly exists is Love. With that vast ocean surrounding and permeating us, why focus on the smallness of the illusion that we are separate and somehow removed from the All?

I prefer to live in Truth, knowing that my sole purpose – indeed everyone’s purpose – is to be Love expressing itself today. However you do it, you are the Love of the Universe… and the Universe/God/All That Is doesn’t play favourites and doesn’t care if anyone loves it back.

Be a Channel for Compassion

Image from Stock Xchng

Recently, I’ve been reading Wayne Dyer’s book, The Shift, which is based on his movie of the same name. It talks about something many of us are going through at this time. We’re having the rug pulled out from under us, experiencing what Wayne calls “the fall” that is necessary before a shift in consciousness can occur. When we go through the loss of a relationship, a job, a home situation – anything or anyone to which we’ve clung for a sense of stability and in order to define ourselves – we drop down into a state that is almost formless in nature. We don’t know who we are anymore. It’s a time of darkness and a place of fear for many of us. No matter how we try, there’s nothing to which we can attach and say, “That’s me.”

Yet, this is the very state in which we must abide for a time so that we can “let go our ego” and let the Divine take over instead. Wayne calls it allowing yourself to be “lived by the Great Tao”. He reminds himself of that each morning by starting the day with a prayer of thanks for once again being allowed to serve. There is no striving for control over ourselves, others, or our resources in this state, but instead placing our trust in the Divine to operate through us and provide for our needs.

When we stop worrying about how we will survive, and we set aside our fears so that we can simply be of service, something magical happens, we become embued with compassion greater than our ego selves can muster. We become conduits for the Divine force. The right words and actions issue forth without our having to think of what to do. We become more effective, because we’ve learned to “let go and let God”. We can be there for others, because we’ve stopped thinking of how to get what we need or even how to help others; we’ve simply stepped back and let the Light flow through us. This is truly what it means to be a Lightworker.

Simultaneously, we discover that the petty needs that had once consumed us get addressed without a lot of effort or worry on our part. Things seem to fall into place. The Light supports us as it moves through us. There is plenty to go around. There is no need for “mine” and “yours”. The sharing of resources and energy comes naturally, and what we need comes naturally to us when we open ourselves to be channels of compassion in the world.

Pure Awareness and the Obliteration of the “I”

Image from Stock Xchng

One of the wonderful side effects of meditation is the way it can eliminate at least for a time the overwhelming connection with ego, with the small self that constantly needs to be propped up and made to feel secure and important.

I call it dropping into “the zone”. It happens for me usually a few minutes into my meditation. Suddenly, my thought processes seem to stop, and I’m vibrating in the stillness. Thoughts still exist in this state, but there’s no need to bother with them. Nor do they have a hold on my experience.

In this state of utter stillness, the “I” vanishes. In pure awareness, there is no place for the cumbersome artificiality of a constructed identity. This awareness is our natural state at birth, before we came to associate ourselves with the name people kept calling us, before we started to worry about how we ‘appeared’ to others or how we affected them by our actions.

This pure awareness is still your natural state; there’s nothing to strive for. You can relax into being. You can practice non-attachment to your thoughts until they become a far-off voice that you can choose to heed or ignore. By cultivating the ability to disconnect from the “I”, you make way for your inner wisdom to shine through.

Parting the Veil between the Two Worlds – The High Priestess

The Aquatic Tarot. Author/Artist: ©Andreas Schröter 1995-2002

The High Priestess stands at the crossroads between the conscious and the subconscious states. Drawing her is an invitation to surrender to your feelings, your intuition. Allow yourself to let go and cease trying to control your internal processes, for they will lead you to her domain beyond the veil.

The High Priestess beckons us to explore the mysteries of our inner terrain. She comfortably traverses it, because it’s her domain. For those of us new to travelling to that region, the ride can be bumpy. It’s not an easy experience, looking at your shadow, that part of you that usually stays hidden. It’s the part that we normally only give way to while dreaming.

Letting the occult bubble to the  surface – allowing what is hidden about us to become involved at the conscious level – is not a journey for the faint of heart. Emotions can be turbulent and overwhelming; dream images can haunt us during our waking hours; glimpses of the world beyond this one can have a transforming effect on the world of the mundane.

To truly connect with the divine, we need to embrace the invitation of the High Priestess, and allow transformation to take place. We must let go of the narrow sense of self hemmed in by ego and be willing to allow for the expanded Self that in truth exists eternal.

We are so much more than we seem to be. Becoming that means simply letting go and falling into what is.